There is an old addage, which I will not repeat verbaitim, likening coitus with a heavier member of the opposite sex to riding a moped- It’s fun as long as your friends don’t see you do it. While a sophomoric and inconsiderate statement (hey, I’m just repeating what I read on the internet…the internet is a cruel place), it aludes to a notion widely held, regarding cars that, under pain of death, you should not be seen in. Most times it is because is is a “Chick Car,” or a vehicle that is so deplorably awful for the environment, that a passer-by in certain parts of Northern California might yell “Fur is Murder!” as you drive by (albeit a misguided environmentalist).
Thing of it is, a lot of these cars that are shunned in the court of public opnion are quite fun to drive. For various reasons, these are cars that you may not want to be seen by friends in, but they are your guilty pleasure.
Talk about a car that gets no love from the non-car-types, but is ubiquitously loved by anyone who has ever driven one in anger. There is no new car on the road that allows the driver to connect to his/her vehicle quite like the Miata. 35 mph feels like 65, but in a good way. Sure, it may not have a lot of straight-line power, but the ability to carve corners is the thinking man’s game. The Miata is not a powerboat, its a classic 25 foot sailboat.
I recently had this car for reviewing purposes, and for the first few days, I kept asking myself, “whats the point?” Then, one day, the rains stopped and I was able to retract the top, playing into the Transitive Property of Convertibles (more on that in a minute), and the best thing happened…I ran into traffic. While other, larger vehicles may not provide a rewarding experience on a congested interstate, the Fiat is now in its element, playfully darting in out of open spaces before the next vehicle could take off. It was like a lightbulb going off. In tight places, this car rocks.
It’s easy to see why the Hummer brand went under. Times were tight and gas prices were on the rise. There was also the fact that few vehicles make you look like more of a gym/nightclub-owner-douche-canoe like a bright yellow H2. That said, hop behind the wheel of and pickup or SUV that towers over the road and try not to feel like a boss. When the weather turns to shit, a big ole’ SUV is like a warm, four-wheel-drive blanket.
LeBaron Convertible (…any clunker convertible):
Here is where we break down the Transitive Properties of the Convertible. Take any clunker, any rustbox, or any underloved hunk of scrap metal…and simply add a convertible top. Chevy Cavalier, meet Cavalier Convertible…palatable. VW New Beetle Convertible? I can take it. Finally, the Chrysler LeBaron: Meh. Chysler LeBaron Convertible? Now, we’re talking. I’d like to point out that I, in no way, worked the LeBaron into this argument just so I can reference the highlight of Tom Green’s career…